


An Ever After, Of Sorts...

by CrazyLabRat



Series: Stranger Things Have Happened [2]
Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, Declarations Of Love, Drunken Shenanigans, Duke Crocker POV, First Love, Flashbacks, Hurt Duke Crocker, Hurt Nathan Wuornos, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyLabRat/pseuds/CrazyLabRat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~"Jesus, he was warm... and the muscles of his abdomen flexed under my palms deliciously. If he catches me, I'm dead. That's all there is to it.</p><p>But my fingers had minds of their own... And he felt so fucking good. His skin called to me like the tide calls in the waves. Like the pull, the very force, of nature itself. It was thrilling and terrifying and so much better than just watching him.</p><p>It was wrong though. Seeing as it was done without as much as a hint of permission... It was clearly crossing lines. The kind that kind of make me a terrible person, an asshole... I knew that.</p><p>I know that.</p><p>But my head and my hands were at war, and my hands were winning."~</p><p>Duke has his own cross to bear. Many, in fact. This is still the tale of two idiots, but one is slightly less moronic than the other this time around.  </p><p>The Second in the series. It would do well to read the first beforehand, as some of it might not make much sense without the understandings and happenings of the first as a guide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ever After, Of Sorts...

**Author's Note:**

> There seemed to be some call for this story to be written out, and as such, I am pleased to release it out into the interwebs. 
> 
> To those of you who read and loved the first story, this was written just for you. Make no mistake about that.
> 
> I only had the basic premise in mind, and didn't really think I'd write it out... but since so many wanted more, I could hardly resist now could I?
> 
> If you love it, hate it, can't stand it or can't live without it, as always... Let me know. 
> 
> Reviews and Kudos are welcomed and loved.
> 
> All errors are mine, and will be fixed in due course. The title is a working one, and there will more than likely be edits over the next week or so. Because I'm never truly done with my works.
> 
> Now, my lovely duckies, enough chatter. 
> 
> On with the fic....

 

(You're making a choice to live like this,)

 

I know on the best of days I come off as a bit of a dick. I get that. In fact, I perpetuate that perception as often as possible. Because it's just so much easier than dealing with all the emotional bullshit that I'm just not good at handling. But I like to think that I'm a good person when it counts. Nowadays at least.

 

(And all of the noise...  
I Am Silence.)

 

I used to be so cutting when I liked someone. Because if they were paying attention to me, did it really matter why?

As I got older I realized that girls where apt to show me a different side of themselves entirely if I said the right thing, especially if I said it nicely. And that had been pretty great in my book. I learned to filter my thoughts and make them much more pleasing to the ear when I voiced them.  


It wasn't all that hard.

But there was one person with whom I could never learn how to do that. Everything I said sounded cruel and biting, even to my own ears.

And it confused me.

Because I actively tried to be nice, even thought about all of the nice things I could say, but something inside my brain seemed dead set on making him hate me. It was like the wires were crossing because they were knotted and frayed...

And then I thought... maybe that's just the way things were supposed to be.

Maybe it was destiny for Nathan Wuornos and Duke Crocker to forever be at odds.

 

(We already know how it ends tonight...)

 

It wasn't until I was about fifteen that I realized that I wanted Nathan to like me... Even though he annoyed the hell out of me, without ever seeming to need to try...

Talking to him became necessary. It wasn't a complete day unless we spoke. Even if it was only to exchange insults.

I'd had nothing to stay for, when I decided to leave this fucking boring as fuck town... And at seventeen, I told myself that at least a thousand times a day, just trying to make it sound true. 

It's weird having someone in your head all the time, you know? No matter what you do... always thinking about what that person would say, think, or do in response. And I hated it. I tried everything to get his image out of my brain. But in the end, nothing worked. So it became one of the many reasons why abandoning this God-forsaken pit was necessary.

And while all of that was true...It didn't stop me from seeking him out the day I'd planned to do it for real.

I remember it so clearly.  


I'd found him walking on his own, on the rocks out by the beach. He spent much of his free time there, so it wasn't hard to track him down. When had that happened? When had I learned all of his habits like this? It's weird, because no matter how hard I tried, I really couldn't recall. His back was to me when he sat, staring out over the ocean, seemingly lost in the gentle ebb and flow of the waves. I took a seat beside him, and waited until he looked over at me.

"If you had the chance to leave here, if you left for good... Would you miss me?"

He'd looked so puzzled that something inside me wanted to hold the moment. Because he wasn't glaring at me, he wasn't sneering... And he was... attractive. He was blinding like that. But what can you expect of someone like him...

…The fucking golden boy.

"What kind of question is that?" I smiled and leaned down, pulling a stone into my palm before tossing it aimlessly into the spray as it licked the sand just beyond our feet.

"Pretend it's a real one. Pretend that we're friends... And that I need to know. Would you miss me?"

I didn't understand why I watched the wind play through his hair, why I wanted so badly to touch him in that moment. I couldn't figure out why I was leaning closer, memorized by the way his lashes fluttered in the breeze. And I couldn't help but wonder...

Why was I so jealous of the wind?

That answer wouldn't come to me until much, much later.

"I don't know what you're playing at, but I've had a horrible day..." I cut him off with a short shake of my head and lifted my palm to the back of my neck.

"Okay fine. What if I left today? Who'd even care right? I mean... would you?"  


He sighed deeply and shook his own head lightly.

"Seriously, this day's sucked so much already... And if you're just going to be a dick, then you can go off and rot for all I care."

The worst part was that as I watched his retreating back, I couldn't help but think that he really meant it.

Something inside me cracked... It splintered so painfully that it shredded everything else inside... and I wanted, with every broken piece I had left, to never feel it happen again.

So I left.

 

(You run in the dark through a firefight...)

 

I know I'll never be as amazing as Nathan. I know that with every fiber of my being. And nothing proved that to me more than when I came back. He's fearless... And so unlike everything I ever was or am. He charges in and saves people, no hesitation. No looking back. The danger to him didn't matter. It's just who he is.

He made me want to be a better person, sure. But it's so much more than that.

He made me actively try.

 

(And I would explode  
just to save your life...  
Yeah I would explode.)

 

The first time I watched him get hurt, it felt like I was dying too. And I decided that I wasn't going to just sit around and watch him do stupid things anymore. No, if he was going to do something stupid, then I was going to be right there beside him... To make sure his stupidity didn't get him killed. It was soon after that, that I realized I was probably in love. Not just some long term crush I refused to let go of... But love.

Because if I was willing to die to keep him here, even if he wasn't mine… even if he never would be...

Well, what else could it be?

 

(Let me light up the sky...  
Light it up for you.  
Let me tell you why,  
I would die for you.)

 

The first time I touched him was an accident. I just needed to feel his skin. To be sure he was real, and still breathing.

Still with me.

My hand moved before I even realized what was happening.

It was so very surprising, finding such softness, even at the back of his neck... Just where the tiny hairs at the edge of his hairline kissed the skin just beneath it…

He was such a hard man, with sharp edges that even his face conveyed. But his skin was so very unlike any of that.

I pulled my hand back quickly when he moved… my heart hammering pretty much right out of my chest. I opened my mouth to make excuses, but he just asked me if I'd heard from Audrey.

It took me a second to register that he still couldn't feel. And that there was no way he could have felt my fingertips. I was elated and heartbroken at the same time.

No one should have to live like that.

 

(Let me light up the sky.)

 

Jordan isn't the kind of person who'd ever be good enough for someone like Nathan... And my good friend Jose agreed with me. I poured another shot and downed it quickly.

Some sadistic part of me felt like the burn of the tequila on the way down to my stomach was some sort of well deserved pain. Like each shot was a small form of reparation offered up to Nathan on a silver platter.

Whether he knew about it or not didn't really matter. It was the thought that counted, right? Isn't that what people are always saying?  
If things had been different... if the world were ever fair or kind, I'd be able to make him light up like that. Fuck... I'd light up the whole dammed sky to have just one smile from him.

She has no idea who he really is, and how lucky she is to just be near him.

She'll never make him happy.

Not the way I-No.

Don't go there.

Not tonight.

More tequila will help... Yeah.

That's the ticket.

 

(I can't find a wall to pin this to.  
They're all coming down…  
Since I've found you.)

 

The headache I had the next morning was nothing compared to the pounding in my chest when Audrey conveyed to me the disaster that was Nathan's love life.

I could've kissed her though.

I still don't know what possessed her to tell me. I mean, it's not like he and I are even friends... But the smile she threw my way suggested, heavily, that maybe she thought we were.

And I really didn't know what to do with that thought, so I pushed it aside and reached for the aspirin she offered.

"Is he alright?"

She shrugged at my question, like she really wasn't sure, and that bothered me more than I cared to admit.

I knew the second she was gone I'd have to go annoy him. If nothing else, I could distract him... right?

Right

 

(I just wanna be where you are tonight.  
I run in the dark looking for some light,)

 

It was bad enough that someone had broken into my bar and trashed the place...

But I didn't know how to handle this Nathan today. More than anything, I was confused. He was being kind, and polite, and smiling at me. 

…Fucking beaming.

My stomach was in knots.

Why was he smiling at me? And laughing, happily even...

It was too much...

But it wasn't anywhere near enough.

And it hurt in a way that didn't make any sense.

Touching him sometimes, that was usually good enough... mostly.

But today was so strange. He was... Different somehow… I couldn't figure it out.

But he was so bright... And he seemed closer to me. Like it was okay. And that, well that didn't make any sense.

I'd never risked touching him this much. Once every now and again, sure... But never like this. Never with this need, this intensity. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself.

I did things I'd never dared before.

Jesus, he was warm... and the muscles of his abdomen flexed under my palms deliciously. If he catches me, I'm dead. That's all there is to it.

But my fingers had minds of their own... And he felt so fucking good. His skin called to me like the tide calls in the waves. Like the pull, the very force, of nature itself. It was thrilling and terrifying and so much better than just watching him.

It was wrong though. Seeing as it was done without as much as a hint of permission... It was clearly crossing lines. The kind that kind of make me a terrible person, an asshole... I knew that.

I know that.

But my head and my hands were at war, and my hands were winning.

My mouth pressed against the spot where I'd first touched him before I even knew what was happening. But I couldn't make myself pull away once I realized, either. So I pushed it just a little bit further... Because his skin against, underneath, all around my lips, it was intoxicating. I was drunk without ever touching a drop.

I knew I had to move, he was going to put his phone away eventually... but just this taste.

This one time…

I imagined what it'd be like to do this every day, to curl my arms around him whenever I liked. Imagined, even as I backed away, that I could make his heart pound like a jackhammer… imagined so hard, that I could practically feel it.  
His warmth held onto my chest for an extra moment, tingling as it faded.

Why did he keep smiling?

I was very close to pinching myself, certain that I was dreaming... or perhaps even hallucinating. But I haven't fucked with drugs since I was sixteen and this is like no flashback I've ever heard of.

I was so off balance... It was crazy. And driving me up the wall... So I tried to bounce it back.

I tried and tried to set him out of sorts, but he went above and beyond anything I could've done. He was still smiling and laughing... when he asked about drinks. My throat closed. I couldn't breathe, let alone think. I said the first thing that came to mind.

Because there was something wrong with him. There had to be...

But then he was was frowning a bit, and there was self-depreciation and sadness in his eyes and I had to touch him. I had to make it better. He couldn't just... leave. No. I had to stop him.

I needed that smile back.

So I reached out...

And it was so fucking weird.

A shock ran through me as my palm gripped soft flesh. It tingled and fizzled all the way up my arm. And it was the first real touch that he could see.

My mouth tried and tried but my throat was still tight. I choked the words out anyways...

And his smile was back.

I nearly lost my footing... He was so bright it was blinding me into stupidity.

But was it really stupid of me to wish... to want...

To hope?

 

(And how will we know?  
If we just don't try...  
We won't ever know.)

 

There comes a point when you either gotta put up or shut up.

And I've never been good at shutting up.

I've always been a man of action; it's true… and the time to put up? It felt like all night. The whole evening somehow felt like the one and only chance I was ever going to get.

The chance to tell him who I really am, who I've become, and why...

It was my chance to tell him what he means to me... what he's always meant to me.

It was, and always will, remain the most terrifying and fucking amazing night of my life. I wouldn't change a single moment of it. Even my astoundingly moronic post sex idiocy, if only because of the conversation it evoked between us. The casual comment suggesting he leave just slipped out. Because I'd been scared that he'd realize what he'd just done... so scared that he'd look at me like he used to, like he hated me... That he'd just leave anyways. And it was better if things ended on my terms if they had to end, right?

But Nathan isn't the kind of guy to step lightly into anything. He thinks it through. And he was still there when I woke up. He was exactly where he wanted to be... because he would've been gone, if he wasn't.

I can honestly say that if I did happen to die that day, then I would have died a happy man.

Waking to his soft breath fluttering over the back of my neck, while his arms curled tighter around me... That was fucking heaven… my own personal heaven on earth.

And it may have been the first time, but it certainly wasn't the last.

It made me wonder if maybe I've done enough...Enough to be clean again.

Like, maybe I've helped do enough good to chip away all of the dirt, grime and blood that I see every time I look in the mirror.

Maybe I can shine now, too...

Wouldn't that be something?

 

(Let me light up the sky,  
Light it up for you.  
Let me tell you why,  
I would die for you.  
Let me light up the sky,  
Light it up for you.)

 

I love the way he smiles now, with his whole face, not just his lips.

I love the way he walks, like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders.

I love the way he curls his arms around me from behind while I make us breakfast.

I love the way his body is always turned towards me in welcome, no matter who he's talking to.

I love the way he holds my hand in public... reaching out for it, for me, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

I love the way he protects me so fiercely, even from mere words... When he tells some little old lady to move town if she can't handle seeing two men arm in arm. Or when he tells everyone that I'm not a scoundrel, that I'm the most decent human being he knows.

I love the way his eyes narrow and a vein in his temple pulses when I annoy him.

I love the grin he gets, like he's won something amazing when he gets me back, or shuts me up with a kiss.

I love the way he whispers my name when he's half asleep, curled against my chest and nuzzling his nose into my neck.

I love the way he loses himself in me, when his head is thrown back as he moans and sighs and whimpers for me. Begging for me, calling out my name as I push into his willing body over and over and over again… Joining together in such a way, that could never be undone.

I love the way he sings in the shower, even when I'm right next to him under the spray. 

But most of all, I love the way he curls around me... already ready for another round, whispers 'God, I love you' into my ear, and means it.

 

(Let me make this mine,  
I'll ignite for you.)

 

Audrey was there when I bought the ring. I felt stupid, because Nathan isn't a girl. Not by a long shot. But it feels wrong to propose without a ring.

She only smiled when I voiced this out loud.

"Love and marriage isn't about man and woman. It's about heart and soul. If he's your other half then why should you give a crap about anything other than that? Besides, Nathan's a total sucker for the romantic gestures. And you know it."

And I laughed even as I reached up to scratch the back of my neck.

"But what if he says no?"

The light pat on my shoulder and her full bellied laughter was answer enough.

 

(Let me light up the sky,  
Just for you tonight.  
Let me help you fly,  
Cause you won't have time.  
Cover your eyes,  
Get your disguise,  
They won't ask you why,  
They just watch you die.)

 

I had the ring in my pocket, the day she walked into the barn.

"There's no other way, Duke... We tried. But this is something I have to do. Just take care of him... Love him."  
Tears raked down my face in force as she released me from her hug. I wanted so badly to keep hold; to force her to stay.

But it wasn't my decision.

It was hers...

Her back was to me when he pulled up. Hollering for her to stop, to stay here, with us...

But she just turned and smiled, one foot already inside the door. She waved once and shouted out. And then she was gone.

He was at the door, pounding with every bit of strength he possessed... But it was no use.

The barn faded, and the rocks stopped falling from the sky when he hit his knees… landing on them with a dull thud. I tried to hold him, to offer him comfort, to cry with him...

But he pushed me away.

And I'll never forget the betrayal I saw in his eyes. The hatred they burned with... Not until the day I die.

"How could you?!"

How? It all happened so fast. There was nothing I could do. I tried to tell him but he just shook his head, as tears streaked down his cheeks endlessly.

I don't know how long we stayed there. Him on the ground, and me standing a foot away, with my eyes on the sky... My own face wet, dripping without an end in sight.

And her last words would haunt my dreams for twenty seven years...

'I love you both!'

No one in town had to ask what happened. They didn't ask Nathan what was wrong.

It was like they didn't even care.

 

(And it's still so hard  
To be who you are,  
So you play this part,  
The show goes on.)

 

He withdrew from me. His hands wouldn't touch me; his eyes wouldn't focus on me. Weeks went by and he wouldn't answer my calls. I came back home to the Cape Rouge one day, after covering for a bartender at the Gull, and all of his things were gone.

I cried myself to sleep, my face buried in the pillow that still held his scent.

The next morning I closed the Gull.

I stood at the bar with shaking hands and called him again. But there was no answer on his cell. Even the station wouldn't put my call through to his desk. I dropped the phone onto the bar...

And I just... lost it.

Bottles went flying.

And every sound they made as they shattered and splintered across the walls or bounced off of a table or the floor only enraged me further.

Tables and chairs smashed with ease, and nothing seemed to help. Pieces and chunks of varnished or polished wood raining down around me...

The hole drilling itself into my chest only dug faster, deeper.

I fell to my knees, uncaring of the glass beneath them, and screamed into the palms I had lifted to cover my face.

"Hello? We got a noise complaint...Everything okay?"

I looked up just as Stan cautiously entered what was once my restaurant...

Stan.

And I cried silently, defeated, as I waved him away.  


 

(You've come this far  
With a broken heart.  
Yeah you've come this far,  
And you're broken.)

 

I started doing stupid things.

Nathan wouldn't come within two hundred feet of me, much less talk. So I started drinking. I drank every day, without fail.

The Gull remained closed while repairs went underway. Was going to take at least a week with all the damage, I was told. But fuck it.

Who cares?

Nothing mattered anymore.

…Because Nathan didn't want me.

I kept the ring in its stupid fucking box, and I carried it wherever I went; though I almost threw it into the sea at least a dozen times over the course of the next six months. Even had it in my fist with my arm pulled back, but it never left my palm. I just couldn't let it go. Because that would mean letting him go. And I could never do that.

So I started trying to get his attention. I sat on his lawn at three am chucking empty bottle after bottle at the wall just under his bedroom window, yelling for him; Calling to him. I knew he was there, his truck was. I knew he could hear me.

He's the lightest sleeper I've ever met.

But still he wouldn't face me.

I walked into the station day after day and demanded to see him, but I was ejected every time.

A year had passed and I'd started smuggling again, because what was the use of being clean without him? 

…And because sooner or later he'd have to deal with me.

I started fights with everyone, anyone. I drank until I was passed out in his neighbor’s front lawn. Yeah it was juvenile, and pathetic, but I didn't care.

And through it all he did nothing. None of it worked.

Not until the day I stole a car and drove it around the parking lot at the station, drunk off my ass with polka music blaring, because that's what had been in the CD player.

His face was grim and set when he stepped outside. Couldn't have been noon yet, but the sun was pretty high, and I was so fucked up, who really knew?

I didn't stop the car until his hand was on the door. Five miles an hour wasn't exactly Dale Jr. status so it wasn't hard for him to approach.

"Get your sorry ass outta that car, now."

He didn't yell, because he didn't have to. I'd already turned the car off and was opening the door, to stand on legs made of jelly.

The world spun, and suddenly I was face down against the side. Handcuffs, heavy on my wrists while his palms were patting me down… Fat tears streaming down my cheeks, in happiness. For the first time in ages the ache in my chest eased, at just his proximity.

His hands found the little black velvet box in my pocket and my legs trembled, threatening to drop me on my ass as he pulled it free. I knocked my head against the roof of the car once before he spun me around again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. There were just too many ways to answer that question. I wouldn't even know where to begin. My eyes leaked rivers, blurring his face and I choked on a cough.

"Hit me."

I couldn't see the expression he wore when I said it, but I felt it, as the grip he had on my shirt tightened.

"Just hit me... Punch me! Do something! Anything you want... Hurt me if you have to... Just do it!  
But don't you fucking dare ignore me! I'm not going away!"

He lifted me up just enough to slam me back against the car again. I felt something in my wrist give with the force of it, but I ignored it.

My vision was clearing with every blink of my eyelids and I could see just how broken he looked. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to take it away... To banish that expression to somewhere it could never reach him from again.

"You let her go! You didn't even fucking try!"

He was yelling and slamming me back again. I lifted my eyes to his and held them; Speaking clearly.

"It was her choice. Not mine. She chose. And you're choosing. It's your choice, too. I can't stop you, just like I couldn't stop her. You can't make someone stay... You can't. You can't make them love you enough. Free will is a real bitch, isn't it?"  


I was laughing again, but it came out cracked and frayed.

His hands withdrew too fast, as if he'd been burned, and I gave in to my legs screaming desire... falling to the ground. I landed on my hip and rolled onto my left side... rocks and tar digging into my cheek.

Fuck it.

…Didn't matter anyways.

I spoke, coughing through the dust that was pulled into my mouth by simply breathing, my voice loud even to my own ears.

"I loved her too... But she was the one who left. I didn't... I can't... You're all I ever wanted. You fucking bastard. Just... Open it..."

I watched as he slowly lifted the hand holding the box and I snorted at my own pathetic behavior. Like this would change anything. Stranger things have happened, though.  


"I bought it a week before she left... She, she helped me pick it. Audrey wasn't just your best friend... she was mine too. Lost both of you..."

I managed to keep my eyes focused as he opened the battered velvet box and examined the plain platinum band it held, before my stomach rolled. The world began to spin and then I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. They needed to close for some reason. And after that? Well...

Everything went black.

 

(Let me light up the sky,  
Light it up for you.  
Let me tell you why,  
I would die for you.)

 

When I awoke, everything hurt... but my left wrist and hip in particular were throbbing and pulsing in protest. I stifled a yelp when I shifted until I remembered that it didn't matter.

Lifting the wrist to my sleep fogged eyes, I curiously examined the bandage it was wrapped in. 

I tried to think back, but I had no idea where it came from, or even how I got back on my boat. But here I was... home, in my room. I pulled the covers over my head and hid from the sun.

What did it matter where I was and what parts of me hurt?

The most important part was already broken beyond repair.

 

(Let me light up the sky,  
Light it up for you.  
Let me make this mine,  
I'll ignite for you,  
I'll ignite for you.)

 

When I opened my eyes for the second time some numerous hours later, I counted my blessings. One, it was blissfully dark outside. Two, the gentle rocking of my boat didn't cause any amount of nausea to rise within my stomach. And I wondered exactly how long I'd slept for.  


Sitting up to stretch was painful and I fumbled with the lamp on the nightstand until it finally clicked on. My wrist was wrapped in an ace bandage and my hip was bruised like a sonofabitch. I didn't remember falling but there wasn't I whole lot I do remember these days.

But the strangest thing was that for the first time in months, I didn't feel like picking up a bottle. I stood and pulled off my clothes then stumbled into the bathroom.

The mirror showed me a stranger’s face. It was someone I just didn't know.

Lifeless eyes gazed upon the reflected cheeks all cut up and surrounded by a mass of facial hair; Hair that I hadn't bothered to take care of in who knows how long.

With a sigh I grabbed the razor and shaving cream before setting to work.

Two hours later, I stepped out of the shower and wiped off that same mirror and it still showed me someone I didn't seem to know.

But I felt like maybe it was getting closer.

 

(Let me light up the sky,  
Light it up for you.  
Let me tell you why,  
I would die for you.)

 

I went back to working at the Gull the very next day. I cut all of my untrustworthy friends and contacts and focused on actually running the place again. It was a good feeling, doing something so simple but... clean.

That aside, it was weird... not seeking Nathan out everyday anymore. I didn't try to harass him or goad him. I didn't even have my cell phone anymore so that I couldn't give in to my desire to call or text him.

I don't know when or how or why, but it felt like this immense weight had suddenly lifted. Like I could stop torturing myself now…

Like I'd done everything I could do.

 

(And it's still so hard  
To be who you are...  
But you've come this far  
With a broken heart.)

 

Two weeks went by without much thought. I was lost in the every day, in the routine. So they went by quietly... And I still hadn't touched a drop. I didn't want to anymore...

But the sight of Nathan walking into my bar made me sorely rethink it for a moment.

He wasn't wearing his gun.

Oh… off the clock, then.

But if he wasn't here officially, then I was lost. I thought about walking away into the sanctuary of the little office I kept in the back. But I straightened my back instead, and met his gaze head on.

I haven't been a coward in a long time. And I stopped running from Nathan the day I sailed back into town.

He took a seat at the bar, directly in front of me. But he didn't speak right away... He just sat there, waiting.

The bar went eerily silent and a quick glance around showed that everyone else was just as surprised with this turn of events as I was. Frowning, I pulled my elbows up into the bar and leaned my weight on them as I arched a curious brow.

"Wuornos. What'll it be?"

If he'd been expecting a warmer greeting, it didn't show. But his eyes dipped away from mine for a moment before returning with a light that I hadn't seen in over a year now.

"Whatever. Whatever I can get. I mean... Whatever you're having."

I almost couldn't withhold the hysterical laughter bubbling up in my throat... But I did, barely. Even managed a small shrug instead, and I was proud of it too.

"I lost the taste for it a couple of weeks ago. Only thing I'm having is water. You want some of that?"

He just shrugged and went to open his mouth as if to say something important but then snapped it shut again and glanced around. Sighing once, I raked a hand through my hair and motioned towards the deck outside.

"You need to talk?"

His shoulders sagged with obvious relief as he stood.

Less than a minute later we stood face to face, and I was wondering what the hell was going on? But he was staring at the wooden boards beneath our feet with his hands shoved into his pockets and didn't seem inclined to do much else.

I was suddenly tired. Tired of this, of him… of the ache in my chest, and of the whole dammed town…

"What do you want, Nathan?"

His eyes snapped up to meet mine and there was uncertain weariness there... An apprehension clearly visible, not hidden or closed off; which I found to be strange, indeed. Strange because I hadn't seen his expression this open to me since the night Audrey left.

His hand rose, lifted halfway to my face and then dropped, the move aborted before I had time to blink. And then he was clearing his throat.

"You look good... Better. I, I'm not really sure what to say to you... I don't know how to..."

I cut him off with a wave of my fingers as I frowned.

"Don't. Everything that needs to be said should've been said a year ago. I don't know what you expect from me but I can't do this anymore. I haven't called or texted, I haven't harassed you, and I won't. I'll leave you be. So you can rest easy. You got your wish, Wuornos. You won."  
A hand curling into my shirt stopped me from turning away like I'd planned. It stopped me from moving altogether. My eyes wandered back up to his face expecting anger, but it was like whatever was holding him together cracked and fell away. So much pain... Etched in every line, every muscle in his features. And my mouth dropped own in surprise.

"And just what exactly have I won? Are you an idiot?"

My temper flared, and then soared as I fisted his shirt in turn.

"Fuck you! You have no right to come in here after all of this and get in my face. I tried... I tried so fucking hard, but you couldn't even look at me. And now you, what? Wanna pick a fight? Well I'm done fighting. I'm done pining and I'm done taking the blame..."

I would've kept going, if not for the chain that fell out of the collar of his shirt... On the end of it hung a ring of platinum, which shined in the sunlight... blinding me into silence. My mouth was left agape while I simply stared for a long tense minute. And when I found my voice, it cracked painfully.

"Where'd you get that?" Barely a whisper, but the words were out there. A hand came up and curled the ring into its palm, shielding it from my view. But I was so stunned I simply could not lift my eyes to face him. I'd thought that I'd lost the dammed thing. It never even occurred to me that I might have...

"You don't remember? You... You gave it to me. I... I spent weeks... I wanted... Why did you buy it?"

And I laughed. I couldn't help it. Just threw my head back and let loose; because this was fucking perfect. It had never really struck me that the day I woke up and couldn't find it, was the day I'd felt... Better. Not okay, but better.

"I know you can be a stubborn jackass, but it never once occurred to me that you were stupid. Why does a man buy a ring for someone, I wonder? It doesn't take Sherlock to figure out this epic mystery..."

What can I say? Being an asshole is sort of my fallback move... My go to, for when things get dicey one way or another… and this? This was like walking into a stadium full of troubled people all wigging out at once.

But Nathan didn't look pissed off like I'd expected. He looked like he was about to cry. And I didn't know what to do with that.

How does one comfort an ex they're still in love with?

"Were you ever going to ask me?" The fist he still had curled into the fabric of my shirt shook, trembled so violently that he was basically punching me repeatedly with it. My own hand was still tugging at his collar but the left one was free, and I moved it to cover his... pressing it tightly to my chest.

"I wanted to... so much. But what could I do? You can't just make someone love you enough to stick around. Free will is a real bitch that way."

The sudden laughter in my ears was confusing. I frowned, because I seriously had no idea how that could be funny in any conversation or context. But he shook his head and lowered his eyes.

"That's what you said two weeks ago. Almost word for word..."

I looked out over the water for a second and shrugged.

"Well, it was true then, and it's true now." Our hands weren't so much fisting clothes as clutching them now. The urge to pull him into my arms was strong, and he was so warm against my hands. But I couldn't bring myself to look at him right now. Because if I did this again, if I let myself fall... there was no guarantee that he'd be falling with me. And I wasn't sure that I could survive this last year all over again later on down the line.

"I'm sorry, Duke. I just... I couldn't handle it. I wasn't ready to give her up. I wasn't ready to let go… because I wasn't done fighting for her. And I took it out on you, but you weren't the one I was mad at... I was so angry with myself. And you were so much stronger than me. How do you do that? How did you look like the tallest, proudest man in the world even then? How can you hold so much on your shoulders and never buckle under the weight? You're so much... so much better than me. I should've been fighting to keep you too..."

His voice cracked as it drew closer, and his face was suddenly buried in my neck, with our hands pressed awkwardly between us. My shirt was getting damper by the minute. But even so, it was perfect. He was right where he was supposed to be.

A weird thought occurred to me at that exact moment... And while it did, I began pulling my hands free so that I could wrap them around him properly.

Maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe all the wrongs we'd done to each other proved something. Maybe it proved that no matter how much we hurt one another, it hurt because we cared. It hurt because we loved. And maybe I wouldn't feel so unclean around him anymore... We could start over again.

We could begin anew.

 

(And it's still so hard  
To be who you are,  
But you've come this  
Far with a broken...)

 

It took some time, quite a lot of it actually, but slowly we grew closer once more. And this time, when things progressed to that point, he had me move my things into his place... I kept the Rouge of course, but we lived at his house. He said it was so that I knew that he'd be there every time I came home; So that I wouldn't be afraid of him just vanishing again. I'd had nightmares about it, and he'd seen the aftermath. I didn't explain them, but I hadn't had to.

He just knew.

I didn't touch him sexually again until well after that, though.

It wasn't even a conscious decision on my part. Hell it didn't even occur to me. I just didn't want to break the spell around our happy little bubble. We kissed often, cuddled every day, and I realized that I never wanted it to end.

The thing was Nathan was getting moody all of a sudden. Reaching for me at every turn and then lashing out at me verbally mere moments later. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I wasn't being an asshole; I hadn't done anything wrong, near as I could tell. I tried asking him once but he'd only stormed off... And then, later that night, he'd wound himself around me so tightly that I thought there was no way we could ever fully separate again.

And it was so strange. It felt like he was trying to do something specific every time something like that happened, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Not until I heard him getting off in the shower one morning... And it dawned on me.  
But with all the brain cells I'd killed over the year prior, I was entitled to a little bout of stupidity or two, alright?

Pure heady, heavy want stirred in my gut and I was hard in seconds... blindly pressing the heel of my palm over my cock for the briefest of moments before glancing over at the clock.

If I didn't leave now, I'd be late.

Who in their right mind would give a fuck about that?

Like I could just walk away from those noises... Away from those magnificent hands and perfect lips... That was never gonna happen. They could deal without me for a day.

It was like a switch had flipped somewhere inside my brain, just then. I suddenly knew; it clicked. And I just couldn't believe all of the time I'd wasted.

He'd been trying to instigate it, to excite me into action... for weeks. God damn it, I am an idiot. I probably hurt his feelings every time I failed to literally rise to the challenge.

My shirt was up, over my head, and off before I even opened the bathroom door.

I wasn't prepared for what I walked into, though.

He was beautiful, surrounded by the spray of the water and cloaked in steam. Chest on display for the entire world, with his back against the wall, and his head ducked down shielding his eyes from view. One hand fisting himself, and the other behind his back, probably slipping inside himself and my mouth watered while sparks and jolts of pleasure seared its way down my spine.

He'd left the curtain open halfway, he always does, but this is the first time in a while that I truly appreciated it.

I shut the door as quietly as possible, because it was clear that he hasn't heard my entrance, and I watched for a minute.  
The languid squeeze and pull of his fingers around his shaft was mesmerizing, and I found myself licking my lips in anticipation while I quietly kicked off my shoes.

Water streaming down that beautiful frame, beading and caressing him and adding to the fantasy he was lost in, no doubt. Those eyes were closed, droplets hanging from clumped lashes and falling into his open mouth.

"Duke..."

I glanced back up but he wasn't looking at me. He didn't know I was here, but it was my name he was panting.

He tossed his head back and moaned suddenly, and I couldn't just watch anymore. I was on my knees crawling towards him seconds later... And then I finally made it to the shower, hot water soaking my jeans and hair, but I couldn't have cared less.

The sound of surprise he made as I closed my lips around the very tip of him was sweet enough to eat. But not nearly as sweet as the guttural moan he loosed just afterwards when realization struck him. And the feel of his hand falling away from his cock to slide into my hair was fucking heavenly. Our eyes locked as I moaned around the weight of him on my tongue and I almost lost it right there.

Because he was whispering my name over and over... begging, pleading, and fucking growling in that low irresistible way that he does... and how had I not done this sooner? How had I fucking resisted touching him this long?

He put up with it, without complaint... just endured it until I was ready.

He waited for me.

I am one lucky sonofabitch... Fuck.

I lifted my free hand from the shower floor and traced the knuckles of the two fingers I could feel buried inside him and moaned, gently pushing one of my own in along side them.

My eyes closed at the sensation of tight never-ending heat, but popped open again at the bang I heard from above me. It’s so fucking hot when he loses control like that. He twitched in my mouth while my tongue swirled lazily around the thick of him and I knew he was close. So I pulled off but kept my finger working with the two of his. Pushing deeper, curling upwards and groaning at the way he shivered and tried to suck air into his lungs.

"Don't come yet... Don't you dare! Not until I'm fucking you into the mattress. You hear me?"

He nodded and swallowed, thickly, trying to find his voice as he licked his lips, hips stuttering in their rhythm.

"B-better, fuck... Better hurry, then."

I didn't need to be told twice. 

Between the two of us, we managed to turn off the water and divest me of my soaked pants and boxers before we kissed our way blindly out into the bedroom.

The way he laughed as I hoisted him up onto the bed was like music to my ears. And in that moment I remembered every time we'd ever slept together, every single spectacular second...

Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe Nathan Wuornos.

He left plain words like that in the dust.

"I love you. I love you so much... Never want to leave this bed. Wanna be inside you all the time. I'm sorry... I'm such a moron."

He raked gentle fingers through my hair and pulled me down on top of him while our lips melted together. Effectively cutting off the apologies that he either didn't need or didn't want… My right hand reached out blindly for the nightstand drawer, for the lube he always kept there, and I smiled and nibbled his bottom lip in victory when my questing fingers curled around the familiar plastic tube.

I didn't waste any time, and he was plenty ready, so I slicked myself up, tossed the bottle away carelessly and hooked am arm under each of his thighs.

That wonderful laughter filled my ears once more as I hauled him up again and pressed his back into the wall above the bed. My knees were bent beneath me and my hands cupped the firm globes of his ass tenderly, his long legs hooked at the knees over each of my elbows. His grasp on my neglected length was the best kind of surprise, and when he guided me into his body eagerly... It was like welcoming me home. An enjoyable litany of nonverbal sounds tumbled from his lips as I slid into him inch by satisfying inch.

Our eyes stayed locked the entire way, and his hands curled into my hair as he stared me down and whispered directly into my lips.

"If you're waiting for me to beg, then you'd better make me, Crocker... Make me fucking scream for it."

My hips jolted back and slammed up into him before I'd even finished processing his words. That delicious mouth of his did me in every damned time... Today wouldn't be any different.

I surged into him... over and over and over again. Like tidal waves crashing onto the shore. Harder, deeper, faster... then slowing without warning for a moment to circle and grind my hips, pressing and rubbing and pounding against that place inside of him that drove him insane.

"Do you know what you feel like? What you taste like? I wish I could have you on my tongue every fucking minute of the day... drives me nuts. Always want you... always. Never stopped..."

I pointedly withdrew my eyes from his and turned my gaze to the right, to the mirror hanging on the wall... my main reason for wanting to take him like this in the first place. I wanted him to watch us, to watch his surrender... To see what I see.

Our gazes locked through our reflection, and I groaned, shivering in satisfaction as he suddenly tightened like a vice around me.  
"Look at you, your body... so fucking beautiful. Strong and lean, wrapped all around me... Pulling me in, letting me go so deep inside you that it feels like I'll never really pull free. And I don't want to."

My voice was gruff, and I wasn't so much whispering into his ear as growling but he loved it. Ate up every word; Straining to hear and to watch us together as he moved with me. Panting and grunting and moaning out my name like it was a fucking prayer.

"Touch yourself... Want to see you watching us, together. Wanna make you come so hard that you can't even think straight... can't remember anything but my name."

And then he was fisting himself for me, eyes fastened to his own reflection as he groaned, long, and low. It was devastatingly lewd... And I thanked whatever celestial being might be out there that he was mine. This amazing, passionate, fierce force of nature belongs to me.

"Oh god, Duke... Harder. I need you to... Just harder, fuck. More. I'm almost..."

He was panting and whining in frustration as he tried to force me into a faster pace, a harder rhythm; so fucking hot for me. I moaned into his mouth, licking at his lips and tongue lazily before grinning.

"Ask nicely, baby..."

Fuck but he tensed and flexed around my cock so much at that, that I thought I was going to shoot before I even got to hear it.

"Duke, please... Make me come? I want it... W-wanna watch it. Wanna see you make me... Just -Uuuhh yeah- just a little more, harder. -Fuck- It'll be so good..."

My lips found the spot that always turned him on, just below his ear, and I sucked and moaned into his skin. My hips kicked up their beat... faster, deeper still; as hard as I could make them go without hurting him.

Pain isn't our thing.

We've already had enough of that to last a lifetime.

I felt him tense and spasm and clamp down around me as he practically wailed my name. His hand between us was a blur when I looked down. I couldn't help the pleased grin that flitted over my face. I'm doing that. I'm making him come. I turned towards that mirror, towards those eyes. And that was Nathan, exploding between us. He was watching it all, taking in every detail with a hunger in those beautifully blown pupils that I lived to satisfy. And then his eyes glazed over a little bit as his body went lax in my grasp.

Gently, I let his legs fall away before curling him into my arms and away from the wall. Then I turned us and laid him carefully down onto the mattress beneath me.

Nathan liked it fast and frantic and that was all well and good, but I liked the tease. The slow torturous pull and squeeze and soul searing thrill of making love. The languid kissing and the deep, deeper, deepest... Digging for that connection, for every bit of flesh I could reach... for every piece of his heart that I could hold. And the only way to really get that was to totally fuck Nathan out first.

I never had any problem with that though.

When I kissed him again, he sighed happily into my lips as I pushed oh so fucking slowly back in; and in and in and in. And then his body constricted in the sweetest, most glorious way, while he sighed into my mouth and I was coming... Falling... flying. 

Breaking apart in the only way that could ever feel so incredibly perfect...

He swallowed my long moan down and pulled my tongue into his mouth while my hips shuddered and stirred into him thrice more.

We kissed for ages, for hours, for seconds... Or was it years? I really don't have any clue how long we spent locked around each other, but it was perfect. Utterly perfect... a better moment would be impossible to find.

My hand slid from his hair some time later, and dipped into the nightstand where he’d taken to stashing the necklace he’d made of that still brightly shining platinum. It always ended up there now, whenever he showered.

“I would drink you up, if I could. Like wine… And hold your warmth inside, forever. I’d bind you to me... If you’d let me. Keep you with me always, and never let you go… Would you have me, Nathan Wuornos?”

I waited, the ring of platinum pressed to my lips in a sort of prayer... to what God? I have no idea… Any who would listen, I suppose. 

When the silence could be stood no longer, I chanced a glance at him. His eyes were wide in clear astonishment… And his mouth had fallen open. Lips parted on the promise of speech but none was forthcoming. Then his eyes cut away, and he ducked his head. 

“Why do you say things like that? Like you’re the one who isn’t worthy…” He paused, shook his head once, and then began anew. “You would have me? This sorry excuse for a-“

I cut off harsh words that he didn’t deserve with a small laugh and gently slid the ring onto his finger. 

“Nathan… Would it kill you to go along with the mood I’m trying to set here? Holy fuck… Just say yes.” Laughing, he sighed out a happy little ‘yes’ against my tongue. And my heart fucking flew, soared… I swear.

We spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon in bed. 

Whiling away the hours by relearning each other’s bodies all over again. Stealing away breath in turns again and again. 

A better definition of the words 'perfect day' has never been found.

But that’s just my humble opinion.

 

(Let me light up the sky...)

 

It’s been years… many years. All of them happy and satisfying beyond measure with but one small exception. 

Nathan was the beloved police chief by rights, and I still owned the Gull, but I also run the Herald now. Vince is still alive, but he lost the drive to keep it going after Dave passed away a few years back. And he said that out of everyone else in this town, none was a better candidate than I for the job. I’d tell the truth when it was needed, and I’d keep the peace when it was demanded. 

It took him some time to convince me, but when I did finally accept, it felt right. 

And today, I certainly had something to report.

Nathan could still feel which didn’t make much sense… because my trouble had returned, and was still reacting to his blood… We found that out while making dinner just last night. 

He could still feel, sure…

But the troubles were back. 

Not exactly something I could publish outright, but I could drop subtle hints. Though I suppose I’ve never been very good at subtle when it comes to stuff like this. And a picture spanning the entire front page wasn’t subtle at all.

There was an officer in town. Hair as black as night, and her eyes… I could never forget those eyes.

The picture was just beneath the headline that read: “An A.T.F. Officer follows an illegal gun trade ring to Haven!”

To the younger residents, this was the biggest news in their entire lifetime. 

To Nathan and me, it was the best news we’d ever received. 

“Duke Crocker?”

I glanced up from the paper I was holding to lay my eyes upon a woman I’d never seen before. She was young, petite and had a head full of fiery red curls.

“Indeed, the devil himself. And you are?”

She smiled in a disarming way and lifted a single shoulder in a shrug. 

“A friend... Nathan helped me once, so I helped him… Unfortunately, I left before I could fulfill my promise entirely. I wasn’t strong enough then. But now? His wish is as much yours by rights as it is his. If you had the power to turn back the clock, to stop someone you love from leaving… Would you?”

I frowned and leaned back, reclining in the chair at my desk while I regarded her with no small amount of intrigue. 

“You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. It’s their choice. If you take that choice away from them, then you can’t possibly claim to really care for them. So no… I don’t suppose I would.”

She beamed at me. As if I somehow passed a test I wasn’t even aware I’d been given. 

“Very well... If I can’t restore that much, then I can still do one more small favor. Memory is a gift, and some say it is the only thing worth having as a person. So this is the gift I now bestow, for you and your husband. Call it a wedding present some twenty plus years belated.”

I still had no idea what to make of her when her eyes flashed from jade to violet and every color in between. I blinked four times, trying to figure out what it was that I’d seen… But on the fourth try, I realized she was gone. 

And then the door opened once more and a head of midnight black hair was ducking into the room.

“Duke…” Small hands enclosed my wrists and then she was pulling me from my desk and into a hug so fierce and warm that I knew…

“Audrey… God we missed you. It’s been so long…”

We pulled back to regard each other. Her hand drifted up to play with the salt and pepper of my hair as she smiled painfully.

“You’ve both… I’ve missed so much…”

There was a sudden thud to my right, by the door. Apparently it had opened again in the confusion. I turned to find my husband there, on his knees… tears falling freely in an echo of that horrible moment, all those years ago. But his eyes this time were full of hope. 

“Audrey, we’ve been… So much has happened. To the town and to us... we’re married. Even though I was such a mess… I hurt him so much, but he loves me anyway…” 

She laughed and pulled Nathan to his feet.

“Of course he does… He never had a choice. Neither of you did.”

And then we were hugging... all of us. But something made me pull away. 

“Did you see where that girl went? We should probably talk to her…”

Audrey frowned and arched a curious brow.

“Girl? What girl?”

I motioned to the door behind us. 

“The girl that left just before you two came in. Short, maybe five foot three, pale… Curly red hair and weird eyes… How could you have missed her? You would’ve had to see her walking out on your way in…”

It was Nathan’s turn to frown at me.

“Weird eyes? Did she say anything funny? Like, funny odd?”

I nodded and glanced to Audrey.

“Yeah, she said she knew you... right before asking me a weird question. My answer seemed to please her. And then she said would give us the gift of memory, as a late wedding present. I can only assume that had everything to do with Audrey.”

Nathan sighed and shook his head, before leaning in and kissing the corner of my mouth in that reassuring way that he does.

“I think we should leave her be, love. I’m not one for looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

I frowned again, but nodded all the same and pulled Audrey into another small hug.

“So what now?”

She just laughed.

“Isn’t it obvious? The troubles are back… I’d say we have some serious work to do.”

Nathan laced his fingers through mine and sent me a smile as bright as any sun.

Everything was as it should be, and they were right…

We had plenty of things to take care of.

And we had plenty of time. 

All the time in the world, in fact…

 

(Let me light up the sky)

**Author's Note:**

> I might be convinced to write more in the Idiots Verse, with the proper persuasion of course. 
> 
> The song is Light Up The Sky, by YellowCard... And it was on repeat as a muse of sorts while I wrote this up. As a side effect, it snuck it's way into the fic without my real permission.
> 
> I found it rather fitting though, and I do recommend giving it your ear at least once. 
> 
> Cheers!


End file.
